The Loneliness of Sin
(House of the Rising Sun)
When I was a kid, I remember hearing this song [House of the Rising Sun, The Animals, 1964] and misunderstanding the lyrics. To me then, it was a place of fun, somewhere where the singer could return to time and again.
It was only in my adult life that I fully grasped what he was actually singing. The song of a man, so lonely, entrapped in his sin that he can only escape from it by returning to it. He knows he is going to regret it, and there is a line in the third verse:
"I've got one foot on the platform
And another one on the train"
For someone who battles with his own sin daily I know this feeling well. The desire to stop but the overwhelming feeling to continue. The loneliness of it is overwhelming and has been the route of most of my anxiety and depression over the years.
It's a battle St Paul talks personally about in Romans:
We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
Romans 7: 14-20 [NIV]
I think we all have a battle with sin raging within us. In fact, I'd pretty much suspect most of us don't consider it a battle, but more of a war of attrition.
Whatever your own personal war, the war rages night and day. Whether it be sexual, drink, gambling, gossip, talking bad of other folk, lying, lust….the list is endless and to be honest tiresome.
Whilst my own sin is personal to me, I can admit that I have struggled and continue to to this day. However, when I do, I find the passage above very helpful.
I can confirm that I go through all the feelings that Paul describes in the passage above, in fact, I've almost memorised these verses. We do not know what Paul's battle is, he never alludes to it, and I for one am glad of that. Because the verse speaks to all of us who battle.
Do I have an answer for conquering this? Prayer! Mainly. But deep down, inside me, I know the War rages on and just like the song (listen below if you have time) I know I am weak and I need all the help of God to overcome an win the war......
Steve Fogo
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