In my third year at University, I moved out to Whalley Range – an infamous area of Manchester. There was a chap in the house who was a bit oppressive, the weather was freezing and my bedroom was cold. I started getting a bit depressed. I didn't do as much work as I should for my final year exams, I didn't finish a final year proj6ect, and I ended up failing my final exams. I didn't take the advice of the course tutor to go and see a psychologist or councillor which was a big mistake.
I went home, was unemployed for a while and sleeping a lot, then went back to an old job at Sainsburys. I was in a weakened state though. One evening I felt unwell, and it was the start of a breakdown. This was the second watershed in my life.
That night I lay in bed and had this mental pain – I don't know where it came from, but it was a very difficult night. It was the start of several horrible days. As I lay in bed, I felt as if blood was coming out of my fingernails (although of course it wasn't). Eventually I made it into psychiatric hospital, still having hallucinations. I didn't understand what was going on, which may or may not have been made worse by the strong drugs I was put on.
About two weeks later I was able to start some art therapy, which could reveal to the therapist what is going on inside, and formed part of my recovery. After another couple of weeks I went to Christchurch in Warley where the hospital was. A little girl took hold of my hand at some point in the service, but I held it in the wrong way, and she corrected the hand hold. That spoke to me of how in your walk with God you have to hold his hand in the right way. I also met a guy called Tim there, who was to become my best friend. He invited me out to a video and take-away the following week. Things got better from there. I started going to services at the church and joined a home group. They were able to seamlessly integrate people who had problems into their congregation.
I was in hospital for a total of six months, followed by six months in day hospital. One thing I would say of this time is that when everything else is stripped away, God is the bedrock. During this time I wrote to several friends, and I got sent the same verse back from three of them. This is Jeremiah 29: 11-13 which starts "I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord, "plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope". This has proved to be true.
A lady gave me some "Every Day with Jesus" Bible notes whilst I was in hospital, and I started using them. I went into a side room to pray and received the gift of tongues, which spoke to me of how God was with me and hadn't deserted me. This was very important. In a way the gift brought things round full circle to the important issue for me at my conversion.
I returned to University, was able to complete my degree and I got a job at GEC in Rugby. It is like God has gone ahead of me and sorted things out, like a curler brushing the ice ahead of the stone.
As told to Jon Seaton
No comments:
Post a Comment