Since becoming a father I have learned so much about God and his attitude towards us. They have been the kind of truths that while I may have already known them, there is such a depth of knowing and awe to be found in them. To quote John Piper:
“Seeing is savouring. If he remains a blurry, vague fog, we may be intrigued for a season. But we will not be stunned with joy, as when the fog clears and you find yourself on the brink of some vast precipice.”
Becoming a father has caused a little more fog to shift and exploring the precipice even just a little deeper, has been an incredible experience.
Becoming a father, I expected to love my son. I am a fairly loving person and have always loved kids. But over the last two years I have found the love of a parent is like no other, you care for them more than you care for yourself, you want to give them everything they need and more, you want them to have joy, happiness, adventure, security, you want for them everything you would ever want for yourself and more.
As this dawned on me, God taught me two things, the first was quite simple but still overwhelming; a renewed gratitude for his grace and the offer of an open relationship with him. I want my son to know Christ more than anything and was brought to my knees in gratitude for his, that I know that relationship is open to him, I know what it cost, and I couldn’t have been more grateful for the cross.
Secondly though, is a precipice I am still climbing down daily, amazed at how deep it is and shocked I had stayed so close to the edge for so long: God’s attitude towards us, is that of a father. In one of my favourite talks by Francis Chan he is talking about his heart for others on a mission trip he was on, when he had a moment of realisation, this was a mirror of God’s heart towards us, and over last two years as I have been exploring the precipice I have had his words ringing through my heart, “Wait, God is this how you feel about me?”.
God’s love for us and overwhelmingly gracious attitude towards us is in itself a cavern of joy and awe to be explored, but that God chose to call himself “Father” and us his children is incredible. Even more incredible when I remember, I have always found that God is infinitely more than we can ever be when it some to love, kindness, graciousness, and certainly fatherhood.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him”. Luke 15:20 [ESV]
Is this how you feel about me, God?
Tim Holt
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