As I battled on with the boys, I became ever more reliant on my crutches. If I am honest, I began to feel a burden to the people in Beira because I couldn’t get around as easily as I felt I should be able to. Also, with the physiotherapy, I didn’t seem to be making any progress and if anything it seemed as though I was getting worse.
It was at this time that I thought that maybe I should come back to the UK, to get a second opinion. It broke my heart to make this decision, and to leave the boys so much earlier than I had planned - but when I spoke again with my Doctor he thought it was a good idea because he was now thinking that my condition could be much more serious than anyone had ever thought. If I needed to have emergency surgery, they would not be able to do it in Beira.
I turned to God, and said “But you have promised me that you won’t give me any more than I can handle, and now you are, this is the worst thing you could ever give me”
God reminded me of a verse that I was given many times during my preparation to go to Beira:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29: 11 [NIV]
Jeremiah 29: 11 [NIV]
I had to keep remembering this verse in my final week in Beira as I prepared to leave for England. I had to believe that this was all in God’s plan as I left, and that His plan was for me to return. I had to leave 27 children with the positive thought that I would be back, that everything was going to ok, even when I doubted.
Yet I still held on to my belief that “It’s going to be ok because God won’t give me more than I can handle”
Victoria Saxby
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